Adventures in Grocery Shopping
by Hamato Kameko
Summary: AU, OC - Silly fic. Kameko and the guys go to the grocery store.


**Disclaimer: **The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters are © Mirage Studios, and are used without permission for entertainment purposes only.' Adventures in Grocery Shopping' is © 2002-2007 to Hamato Kameko. Kameko is © 2002-2007 to Hamato Kameko. Please don't use her without permission.

**Rating:** PG

**About Kameko:** Don't know who Kameko is? Simply put she's the Turtles' sister in an alternate universe. If you don't like the idea, then, well, no one's forcing you to read. ;)

* * *

**Adventures in Grocery Shopping**

"Geez, could this list _be_ any longer?"

"Hey, it's all stuff we need!"

"We _NEED_ 'Video Games Monthly', Mikey?"

"Ummm...Yeah?"

"Oi, Mikey..._Wha--!?_ Raph, exactly WHY are you looking at those? D'you honestly think you'll ever need them?"

"Never hurts to be prepared, sis."

"Yeah, right, man."

"Don't start with me, Mikey..."

"Lay off him, Raph. Anyway, they're right. Just how many girlfriends have you had, anyway?"

"THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, DONNY!!!"

"Translation: none."

"Heh, nicely stated, Leo."

"Why thank you, Meko."

"C'mon, let's get this _over with_."

"Poor wittle Raphey-poo. Did you get your ego bruised? _ACK!!!_"

"Raph, I know Mikey's being a moron, but would you please just let him go? First off, we're in public, and second, I'd like to go home sometime before Secretary's Day."

"Fine."

"_cough_...Thanks, Leo."

"Whatever, Mike."

"Just do us all a favor and keep your beak shut 'till we get home, allright?"

"Awwww, but Meko--"

"What'd she just say, Mikey?"

"Oh, alright. Geesh."

"So aside from a muzzle for Mikey, and maybe a cage for hothead over here -- and don't look at me like that, Raph, you don't scare me -- what's on the list?"

"Ummm...soda, coffee, mustard, bananas, um... porkrinds -- geez, what else is new?"

"Is it just me, or do we go through, like, a bag of those things a day?

"I thought we told you to shut up. Make yourself useful and go get a cart."

"But -- oh, man..."

"_Ugh_... Go on, Meko."

"I'm trying, Donny. Let's see... pizza stuff, spaghetti noodles -- great, we can relive that disaster -- candles... _MILK?!?_ Who in the heck in _our_ family drinks milk?"

"I think Mikey wanted it for a recipe or somethin'."

"Oh. That figures... cleanser -- like anyone besides me and Splinter will ever _use_ it--"

"Hey, I cleaned the bathroom _AND_ the kitchen yesterday!"

"Uh-huh, Leo, and you did such a bang-up job that I had to clean up _after _ you... Now, can I _PLEASE_ finish reading the list?"

"Yeah, all right, go on."

"Glad I have your permission, oh fearless leader. Um, tape -- I assume that's scotch tape, Donny?"

"How should I know?"

"It's in your handwriting, Einstein."

"Oh. Um, yeah, I guess I meant scotch tape."

"_Give me strength..._ At this rate it's gonna take all night to finish reading he freakin' list." sigh "Toothpaste, again... I need shampoo, et cetera--"

"Et cetera?"

"Et cetera meaning girl stuff that's none of your business, Donny."

"O-Oh, um, sorry, I, uh, I-I get it now."

"Good. Lightbulbs, soda -- what's soda doing on here twice? Oh, well... orange juice, cereal, bread, grated cheese -- Hey, doesn't that fall under 'pizza stuff'? Butter, double-A batteries, again... salsa, apples, so-- _NOW COME ON GUYS!_ Not _everybody_ has to write it on the list!"

"SOR-_RY!_"

"Sorry, Meko."

"Sorry, Kameko."

"Sorry!"

"Oh, don't tell me _all four_ of you hose-brains wrote it on the list!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Ugh, is this a punishment for something I did in a past life? Geez, forget about reading off the list, I'll just tear it into five pieces... oops. Heh, as long as I don't tear through any more of the items..."

"Nice goin', sis."

"Shut up, Raph. Just for that you can have the torn piece."

"Oh, golly gee, can I, Meko?"

"Will you can it already? All right, look. We'll each take a part of the list and get what's on it. Then, we'll meet back here to check out. Think you bone- heads can handle that? Oh, and Leo, you get the soda. Last thing we need is for everyone to bring the same thing to the counter."

"No kidding."

"Yeah, maybe, but the more we get, the longer we can wait to come shopping again!"

"Uh, Earth to Mikey, come in Mikey. In case you haven't noticed, we're kinda on a budget here.

"Meko's right. We can barely afford to get what's on the list as it is."

"Enough with the chit-chattin' already! How many times do I gotta say it? Lets. Get. This. _OVER WITH!!!_"

"All right, Raph, keep your shell on. We're going."

* * *

"Man, what is taking Mikey so long? It's been nearly half an hour!" 

"Wish I knew, Leo."

"He's probably in the toy aisle playing a video game or something."

"Hehe, maybe he's pickin' out a new shade of lipstick."

"Oh, that's _REAL_ funny, Raph. Why don't you go play in traffic?"

"Heh, hi Mikey. Took ya long enough."

"Sorry, I couldn't find lightbulbs."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Uh, gee, Mikey, they couldn't possibly have been in the electrical aisle, could they?"

"Very funny, Boy Genius. I couldn't find the right _kind_. Can we go now?"

"Yeah, yeah. Now if I could just find the money..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"You didn't..."

"No, I didn't, Leo. Just giving you guys a hard time."

"Cute, turtle girl, real cute... What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm trying to imagine you with a pesonality."

"Ha, _slammed_, Leo."

"Not bad, little sister!"

"Ugh, Kameko, will you grow up? You're fifteen years old, not four."

"Why don't you go orally extract embryonic fluid from a hen's egg?"

"..."

"Heh, you're on a roll, Meko. What, Leo, no comeback?"

"_Ugh... _You loaned her your thesaurus again, didn't you Donny?"

"What's your point?"

"Gee, Leo, you really shouldn't take like so seriously. You'll never get out of it alive."

"Wha...?"

"Isn't he great, folks? Let's give him a big hand!"

"You're insane. That has to be it."

"What if only some of my personalities plead insane?"

"Kameko, will you _please_ give it a rest?"

"Hey, Leo, come closer."

"...what for?"

"So I can slap you."

"I'd like to see you try. Will you pay the lady already?"

"Yeah, yeah. Here ya go, ma'am. Heh, don't worry about them -- they were dropped on their heads as babies. At least you don't have to live with them."

"Eh, you know you love us. Mike, you gonna just stand there all night or are you gonna take a couple of these bags?"

"_Grr... _Y'know, some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill..."

"Ha! Check out this poster, guys!"

"What, Meko? It's an army poster. So what?"

"Leo, this slogan is so bogus. 'An army of one'? I thought the army was supposed to be about teamwork."

"Gimme a break."

"...ummm...Raph, do you have something to contribute?"

"Only that I know what thier slogan _should_ be."

"...and that is...?"

"Join the army. Meet interesting people, and kill them."

"Haha, no doubt, bro."

"Very true!"

"C'mon guys. I'm about to drop these bags and I think my arms are gonna go with them."

"Baby."

"Will you shut up?"

"Make me!"

"I will!"

"Let's go! Right now!"

"Hey, hey, hey, Mike, Raph, easy guys! Now come on, let's not kill innocent groceries! Why don't you two wait 'till we get home to kill each other?"

"Ugh. Fine, Leo. Temporary truce, Raph?"

"Whatever. I'm kickin' your shell as soon as we get back to the lair."

"Yeah, right, suuuuuuuure you will."

"You bet I will!"

"Not!"

"Will!"

"Not!"

"Will!"

"N--"

"**_SHUUUUUT-UUUUUUP!!!_**"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...um...M-Meko, are you okay?" 

"_Grr... _You know what, guys?"

"...ummm, what, Meko?"

"Next time we need supplies, Donny..."

"...Yeah...?"

"**_I'M STAYING HOME!!!_**"


End file.
